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| HASH
TRASH Ooh wee it's a Hash day I wonder what Puke
has in store for us. Oh wait, Puke (Arsehole) has bailed and left Dr. Anus (husband) hanging. Kitty to the rescue. Ok got that all cleared up. Now where were we? Oh yeah Penny Annies (Dive bar extraordinaire) It's a gorgeous sunny day in West Melbourne
and we enter a smoke filled bar @4:15 to see our hares Dr. A and Kitty (no last
minute change) at a table with the ever prompt Shop Teacher drinking a pitcher
of Annie's finest (no S.T. was not drinking). So Goldie and myself pull up some
chairs and join them. Hmm anybody else going to show up? So the roster is Hares: Just Puke, Dr. Anus
and Kittylingus, Ok it's 4:40 hares away. No chalk talk no
nothing. Shop crosses the Minton and wanders off into the field then everyone else spreads out (more or less) looking in the field. Finally a whistle is blown after TP is spotted blowing in the bushes along a fence. Ok Shop takes off, Harry not far behind, Goldie is bounding thru the fields, with LMAU tiptoeing like there's Cow patties laying around and Shorty is bringing up the rear. Well after much bush beating we finally get on a road with Shop and Harry off in the distance. Hmm area looks pretty familiar. Oh wait.
I've laid a freakin' trail all thru this area. Isn't that copyright
infringement? Ok intersection, Shop goes straight into the woods, Harry goes
right, Shorty goes left. Shorty is On-On and blowing away. Hmmm trail goes right
(memory serves me correctly that only water is in that direction so
ranging ensues while Harry goes to water front and see's true trail arrow
pointing to other shore of lake (damn plagiarist, can they not think of any
thing original, hell this may still be my original true trail mark). Obviously
no one was jumping in (certainly not Shop) so Shop
and Harry go North while Shorty heads south while the girls decide
which way to go. Smartly they decide this Shorty guy may know a thing or 2 about
this trail and head after him. So walking around the lake another true trail
into the woods and then loop up on a canal. Shorty blowing away to let others
know not to bother with the B.S. Loop and just come
straight on over the hill. Out on an other road. Shop goes right
Shorty goes straight and Harry must be watering plants so he is no longer
behind us. Shop is on and the rest of us head towards him. Yet another
freakin intersection and Shop goes straight. But Shorty with the
inside knowledge of running his freaking trail as a hound this time knows
to go right and Bingo ON-ON. OOH wee FRB. If only Shop had known that
the street he was on would have brought him right on trail instead he
backtracked to the pack. Basketball court with a Pit Bull guarding it
and a true trail arrow going right thru it. OK time to see if pit bulls
like seasoned Mexican Hashers. Hmm must not be to his taste as he only
wagged his tail and wanted to play and get petted. That is until white
people showed up and he took off. Ooh wee Bcheck. The pack pours in
and LMAU collapses around a beer can whimpering "she wants her mommy".
Goldie does her best mommy impersonation and rubs her down and rubs her
with water bottles What is it with LMAU and technology on trail? Well again she's on the phone chit chatting away (at least this time she's not standing on a check and asking where trail is). So just who is she talking to? Well none other than the original hare, that arsehole Just Puke. So directions are given and he shows up right after the hares take off. Obviously fishing and drinking in a new boat rate higher than haring. So is he going to do the 2nd half? Hell no, he's in flip-flops and sun burnt. LMAU bails on the 2nd half still wanting her mommy and opting for auto-hashing. Hmmm that'll never be brought up in circle. Ok much meandering thru woods with Shop really wanting to do the tru trail that Shorty had him shortcut earlier. No trail went the other way and zig zag thru woods and out on streets. Hmmm no apparent marks anywhere so ranging ensued until Shorty and Goldie found marks and blew. The other 2 wankers decide to head down the outer st. hoping for a cut in eventually. Lucky bastards. Trail actually went out to the main road about 1/2 way down the street. We cross a nice park not seeing any trail but hoping Shop and Harry are indeed on. Plop plop we are on. Harry still marking intersections even though everyone is within eyesight and can plainly see where he's going. Good Hounding techniques are hard to break. We get to a tru trail mark with "To Light" under neath it. Simple enough. Well somebody tell the freakin' hare if you are that explicit, you don't need to keep dropping plops. Ok we are now back on familiar territory (Minton just south of Penny's). Can anyone tell me where you'd think circle would be held. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller? Yep the field next to the ditch. Ooh wee BN. Harry is sucking down a beer, Shop is looking like he wants to start drinking, Kitty is topless and looking like he was rode hard and put up wet. LMAU and Puke are looking fresh as daisies (ARSEs). Goldie shows up glistening. Glistening my ass that woman was sweating like a stuck pig. It was hot running in to the sun on the pavement. Dr. Anus was ..... nowhere. Apparently the hares don't speak the same language and Anus didn't realize Kitty was already drinking his share. So Anus takes off looking for him only to show up 15 minutes l8r scratching his head. Can you say DFL? Ok Accusations were made
(excessive/unnecessary use of concrete); lies were
told; Harry Cheeseballs will Hare the next Hash,
September 3rd. The truth and nothing but the truth. Short Straw BVD HASH Cash 2005, BVD Hound
extrodinare 2004, BVD Hound |