HASH TRASH

H3SC Hash #99

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Isn't that the part about being at a hash that makes you want to be there anyways?
It is a drinking club with a running problem, right? Maybe it's about the camaraderie.
Or is it the game? An old man's quest for the miraculous Easter Egg (or at least the plop
of flour that looks like an Easter Egg after you've had a few beers).
For me, it's about being around a diverse group of people with one common goal.
I haven't infiltrated the group deep enough to figure out what that goal is, but,
I'm sure I'll like it once you bastards tell me what it is. A wise old man once told me... okay,
it was an old man... (here comes the ramblings)... as I was saying, Spermaid once told me some
time last year as I had just begun my quest for the Holy Hash, the people are great. Yeah, I
know, he is a wise old sage (or at least the only one not quite as old a Kojak),
but his words were prophetic. It's the people that makes the hash so much fun.
Thank you to everyone that came out tonight.

10 minutes later (at least)....

We had a hash tonight! Ash Wednesday in one hand, Hash Wednesday in
the other. We had a boatload at the hash tonight. You
naughty, naughty hashers! Drinking beer and gallivanting through the
woods on one of the five most sacred days of the year. Some new
faces and old faces. Virgins, STFU (isn't that an oxymoron?) JUST
KIDDING! Love ya Torrie, mean it! No Timmy tonight, Just an email
that said "Not Hashing tonight." Next, it was thoughts of, oh man,
I'm driving really far tonight and since I am by myself, I can't
drink! Problem solved, just leaving my house, I pull up behind Slow
Poker and convince him to ride with me. Yeah, I can drink and since
I will only have to drive two blocks home, I can drink tonight and
grace the group with drunken ramblings! Off to Beef's.

As I pulled in, I said to Slow Poker, "I can smell it." Slow Poker says "What?"
I reply "Spermaid, I can smell him a mile away." I knew his old ass
would be there. We pull up and the group is pretty big already. I
see BVDers, Lost Hares, Coasters (what else are we?) and some
virgins. I get a kiss from STFU, another from Krusty, hell even
Spermaid tried to get one, but, I wasn't having any of that. Kojak
and Lollie are there, then Shop Teacher shows up.

A quick Chalk Talk and ATC is out. He tells us which way he is heading since
he is such a nice guy. Knuckle head, we're in the middle of a big parking lot.
We're hashers though and we would NEVER watch which way you take
off. Walkers out, runners out, hobblers out. Across the street and
right for the earthen ground. Hey Spermaid, this is the part of the
Hangover Hash that I prelaid and realized it wasn't connected to our
trail! Only I would lay a piece of good trail and not have it
connect to actual trail. Call it practice trail I guess. Sure
would throw off the rangers though. Next comes the sidewalk, back
along the bike trails, more sidewalk, more canal running. We've
changed directions several times and I'm not sure which direction we
are going. More weaving between roads and woods with a pretty good
mix. I run in and find Shop and ATC with a well laid circle. The
construction crew supplied us with a port-o-let and a buffet table.
They sure are nice down in Palm Bay. Spicy Doritos, fudge striped
cookies, beer and water.

Who went which way, Was that a count back? There was no mention of count backs
in chalk talk? Lots of boob checks on trail. I didn't see any though. Tooth Fairy is at
the start and is just starting out on trail. Circle up, To G, hare in the circle,
virgins in the circle, visitors in the circle, same hash gear, whistle check,
Spermaid asked for a pecker check, accusations all around, ATC (our hare)
had to drive and get more beer. Autohashing!!!! Just Jen is about to not be Just Jen
anymore, Slow Poker dishes all the stuff he can and somehow it all has to do with how
anal she is. Document Whore, Fudge Packuh, Chocolate Covered Semen, and the
winner is "F'k Brownies, Eat a Girl Scout" or F.B.E.A.G.S. for the acronym obsessed (ed).

 LOOK, I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone type and remember everything
about the night there is to remember just so Kojak and Spermaid can
remember the night. If it wasn't for the Alzheimer twins, I could just go to bed.
Its you two guy's fault I have to go home and drink more, just to bore the heck
out of the group.

Anyways, its time to head home, no carousing tonight. So Slow
Poker, you want Chinese food or Taco Bell? Hey Snip It, How about
Beefs? I thought you had to get home, Ah, it'll be all right. The
food is taking forever, so we might as well drink that pitcher of
beer we ordered. Yikes! Gotta go. Dropped Slow Poker off at
Re/Max and took the long way home. If they would allow you to drive
down the bike path, I could eliminate half of the 8 blocks I drive
to work each day. A snifter of bourbon and a couple of Amberbocks
and here we are.

Al Bundy (of television fame) once said "Pretty Women make us buy
beer. UGLY women make us drink beer."

I think Al is wrong. A good beer is best shared with friends. The
only thing better is when you drink that beer while watching
Spermaid spend 8 minutes and 22 seconds trying to figure out how to
get the salt grinder to work. Priceless.

On passed out,

Snip It