HASH TRASH

H3SC Hash #96

Awesome turnout! Timmy and Virgin, Just Jenn, Kojak & Lollipop, ATC, Just Brad, Slow Poker,
Timmy, Eat A Pus and Harry Cheeseballs. Shop and Ass Whisperer showed up late (better late than never).
Oh yeah, I was there too.

No planning went into the trail so I expected it to be really messed up. Started the hash at Circles of  Care.
No circle at the circle though. I marked the first 10 or so plops to give me a head start 10 minutes before starting.
By the way, it was way cold. Kojak picked up my new shoes out of the back of the blue beast and
suggested I run in them. Yeah right. Harry was overheard saying that he forgot his pants. Timmy took my ear
warmers and was after any other clothes I would give up if I was a true gentleman. F-that I say. It was cold.

Kojak wanted to be home by 9:00 to get some bush...(I mean watch Bush). Amazing, this crotchety old a$$
still thinks about getting bush. He is my hero.

Quick chalk talk and off I went. Asked for 10 minutes but I wasted 2 minutes before I even left. First check and
a quick count back 7 to buy a little time. Off we go with orange tinted flour. A check here, a check there,
a YBF or two and a few plops in between as I went. Got us around Pro Health where a woman stopped to check my
plop, after I answered her question about what I was doing. I saw her check it like they do on tv to see if I was
throwing cocaine out as I ran. Maybe she thought it was Anthrax and thought rubbing her hand in it would be a good idea.
Went past a lot of the old hash haunts in the area and tried to outfox Harry. Across US1, down River Road and a YBF
behind that building that we always run around when we are in the area. Up to On Tap and across 192 through the
parking garage. False trail up the garage (like trail would be that short). Crossed US1 again and into downtown Melbourne.
Through and alley, up to 192, down 192 and back into downtown Melbourne. Started hearing the whistles and had to do
some weaving to try and gain some distance. Back across 192 through Alliance title and off to 'Da Hood.
No to be confused with 'Da Tube. Decided to stop throwing flour and write a note on the  sidewalk instructing everyone
to go down to the next block and take a left on Lincoln. Trail start again. Ran and plopped laying true trails across the road and
back again just to be an a$$. Trying to get back to an ending area when my bag of flour suffered from spontaneous combustion.
OK, it didn't catch on fire, but, it did explode and left the largest plop on trail I've ever seen. Went a little further and came
across some graffiti spray painted on the sidewalk. "All you need is love." I was touched so I lined it in chalk.
Yeah, I can be soft, vulnerable and an a$$hole all within a few minutes. Miller High Life brings
out the best in me. At the starting point looking for someplace dark and I spot it.
I head that way (head, who said head....?) and low and behold, I see my final destination.

 Almost there when Eat A Pus jumps out of the dark and scares the piss out of me. He got
lost and ranged his way back to the start. Isn't it Slow Poker who has that reputation? :)
He admits to not snagging me, just getting lost and lucky. We move the cars and Eat A Pus busts
out some great blues as everyone start to come in. Just Brad is FRB and the beer drinking commences.
ATC is next and like always, he trying to help everyone behind him find the end as we're hiding behind the bushes
freezing our nuts off. Timmy pees in the bushes. Kojak come in and starts bitching. Like we didn't see that coming.
Its just part of why we like your old a$$ so much. Don't change, love ya, mean it. Everyone in except
Shop and Ass Whisperer. ATC leaves to go look for them (imagine that) and we finally start circle. We figured
they were fornicating or at least uprooting trees and bushes. The block of ice was warmer than my cold wet shorts,
so dropping pants and sitting on ice was a joy that night. I was there quite a while. I even had to experience Da'Tube.
I gotta get one of those. Thanks for bringing it to Brevard County Kojak. Shop teacher and Ass Whisper finally show up.
They were serenaded with We Are the Boys of Old Florida in honor of Ohio State's play in Monday night's Siesta bowl.
We convince them that we had only been there a few minutes. Just Brad tries to name himself. What a wanker. He
confesses to not having his security clearance since he confessed to smoking pot 8 years ago. Even our former president
the rock star didn't confess to inhaling. There it is, I think it might have been Shop Teacher (naming another hasher....)
who came up with Mary Jane, I just can't remember. He's now Mary Jane. He even confesses to wearing new shoes.
Next, he drinking out of his shoes with a little help from Da Tube. Timmy's virging clearly states that it would be
easier to use Da'Tube and drink out of a shoe. Poor Bastard now has to strip off his shirts and find out first hand how
"easy it was." He even used Mary Jane's shoe so we could have a proper scientific experiment.

Mary Jane got promoted and was ready to celebrate. On After moved from Hooter's to On Tap since Mary Jane was
 buying the first round. We can't give a rat's a$$ where we are as long as the beer is cheap or bein bought by someone else.
 $4.00 cover at the door since there is a DJ. Harry CheapBalls and Keep A Buck want to leave since they don't want to pay.
Hash Cash pays their cover and the music is pretty good. Harry turns out to being a closet MC Hammer fan. Ok, he said the
music was good but MC Hammer was on the decks. That qualifies him as a closet MC Hammer fan.
Beer and wings are on the table when I decide to order more wings. Timmy bitches about not wanting "HOT" wings.
Why do you think they're called "hot wings" you dumba$$? Everyone leaves except Harry, Eat a Pus and myself.
 Then the next big plate of wings come. Notice I was there with the two cheap skates who didn't want to pay the cover?
Well, they must have decided to at least get "their" money's worth from the DJ. Ate a lot of those wings and took the rest home.

A hot shower, a hot electric blanket and my a$$ cheeks were just starting to thaw out when the wings ignited like they were
 in the pits of hell and decided they wanted out. My a$$ was now fully thawed and Snip It finally went to bed at about 5:30 am.
Rugrats were up by 6:15 and my brain is starting to fail from lack of sleep. In fact I just ate the rest of the wings
 to see how bad I could really mess up my sleep patterns.

Anyways, it always a pleasure to spend time with my fellow hashers. I already have so many great memories and stories and I haven't
been doing it for all that long. If you're still new to the hash environment, it only gets better. I haven't ever had a bad time on
a hash and can't imagine that I ever will. I understand that Kojak is praying for senility to set in so he won't think he is going to hell.
 WARNING: HASH MEMORIES WILL CAUSE YOUR HAIR TO FALL OUT.
Just check with Kojak and Harry. They're walking testimonials to the hash. Thanks for coming out. I hope I offended a few of you at
some point in this review. See you in a few weeks for ATC's virgin trail. #100 is right around the corner and I believe that Kojak and
Lollipop have it under control. Thanks for allowing me to occupy your time.

Snip It

On On
(or in the case of Hot Wings from On Tap: Out! Out!